Montgomery County Divorce Law Blog

One of the things that many couples dread the most when they've decided to divorce is breaking the news to their kids. Whether the kids have sensed that this move is coming, or it's a complete shock to them, that conversation with their parents will probably end up being one of the most memorable events of their childhood -- perhaps of their entire life. That's a lot of pressure on parents, so you need to strategize how you're going to approach this conversation.

Of course, how you break the news and how much you tell them will depend in large part on their age.

• Very young children (up to 5 years old) will need a simple explanation -- probably with an emphasis on where they'll be living and reassurance that they'll still see both parents and that both will continue to love them and take care of them.
• Kids who are a little older and up to the preteen years (about 6 to 11) will likely have more questions. However, again, straightforward, simple explanations are generally best. Their concerns will likely revolve around how their lives will be impacted and how much they'll see each parent.
• Preteen and teenage kids (about 12 to 18) will be able to better understand the reasons for a parental breakup. However, that doesn't mean you have to share details with them they don't need to know or that might make them feel differently about a parent. Encourage your kids to share their feelings with you as the divorce process plays out.

You and your ex don't have to get along all the time. In fact, it is logical to assume that you don't, since you decided you no longer wanted to be married to each other. However, like most Tennessee parents, you want what's best for your children, especially as you all move on in life, after divorce. You went into divorce understanding that you would always have to interact with your former spouse in relation to your children's lives.

Your plan was to cooperate and compromise as much as possible so that your kids' best interests would always be the highest priority. As time goes on, you're becoming more and more frustrated because it seems that your ex is trying to turn your children against you. It definitely might not be your imagination because it's possible that you're dealing with a parental alienation problem.

Many divorced couples determine that they can co-parent most effectively when they avoid in-person and phone conversations with one another. It can become easy to slip into old, destructive patterns of communication. Sometimes, a person's tone of voice can be enough to set their ex off. Texts can also too easily be sent in the heat of anger or leave room for misunderstanding.

Anyway, you've decided to use email to communicate about the kids. This gives you a chance to think about what you're saying, organize your thoughts and review the finished product before you hit "send." Meanwhile, if the recipient is angered by something they read (or think they read), they can set it aside for a short time and look at it again when they're calmer.

When you got married, you and your spouse likely shared common hopes and dreams for your relationship and your future life together. Perhaps numerous years have passed since then and you have worked together to make some of those dreams come true, such as having children, maybe starting a business or buying your own home. Marriage can be hard work but also a great blessing.

In a perfect world, you and your spouse would continue together in life without any relationship obstacles to stand in your way. In reality, any number of unexpected situations may arise that shake your relationship to its core, such as suspecting that your spouse is cheating on you. Many Tennessee spouses file for divorce in such circumstances, which is why it's always good to know your options ahead of time, as well as how to protect your and your children's best interests.