Divorce attorneys are familiar with the difficulties faced by couples who can’t stay together. Interestingly, this gives the average divorce lawyer a unique perspective on what might work to help couples stay together. This article will discuss a few pieces of advice for married couples who want to stay together — and for divorcing spouses who want to get married again one day.
First, spouses in turmoil should remember that solutions are more important than scapegoats. A lot of spouses get into the habit of blaming their husbands or wives for all of their problems. However, blaming the other person for a problem is merely going to push that person away, and it won’t solve any of issues that must be dealt with.
Second, put the scorecard away. Troubled spouses can get into the habit of keeping track of what each of them does for each other. However, it’s important to remember that there can be long stretches of time where one spouse is contributing more to the relationship. Then, the other spouse might begin to contribute more. Having the idea that one spouse “owes” the other spouse for something is a sure-fire recipe for a marital breakdown.
Third, avoid these four relationship destroyers: criticizing, stonewalling, defensiveness and contempt. Criticisms, when they come with harsh judgments, can destroy another person’s happiness. Stonewalling — or the silent treatment — only pushes someone away and makes him or her feel like he or she can’t be heard. On the other hand, if a spouse is criticized, he or she should consider the complaints rather than get defensive against them. Contempt — or scorn against a spouse — is also destructive and only serves to distance two partners from each other.
In spite of this advice, some couples simply will not be able to overcome their differences. If you are in this situation and you’ve decided that divorce may be right for you, consider speaking with a lawyer before engaging in the process. A Tennessee divorce lawyer can advise you on what to expect and how to best navigate your divorce process.
Source: Brides, “10 Surprising Marriage Tips From a Divorce Lawyer Who's Seen It ALL,” Karen Covy, March 03, 2017