A child’s graduation day is one that most parents approach with a feeling of intense pride. However, if you and your ex never became amicable co-parents, you may be dreading this day — and so may your child.
You may have been able to largely avoid dealing with your co-parent since the divorce. However, on graduation day, you won’t be able to escape them. Further, they may bring along your former in-laws, who never liked you, and their new spouse, who may have been the reason for your breakup.
That’s a lot to deal with — and in public. Remember that this is your child’s day. Neither you nor your co-parent should let your issues mar it. Unfortunately, some kids would rather skip graduation than see it turn into a family battlefield. Others ask one parent to stay home. Kids — whether they’re graduating from high school or college — shouldn’t have to make these decisions. They should have both parents there to support them and commit to behave like adults.
Set up graduation day for success
- Practice control – You can’t control what your ex does, but you can control your reactions. That means a little preparation. By now, you know all the ways that your ex can push your buttons. Practice some polite, benign responses. You may want to role-play them with your therapist or a friend.
- Get support – Bring a support system with you — even if it’s just one friend or family member. Make sure it’s someone who will be a calming influence and who can gracefully give you an excuse to leave a conversation or situation. Your best friend who hates your ex may not be the best wingman for you.
- Stay sober – Even if you and your co-parent sit in separate areas during the ceremony or if graduation day involves a party or reception, your chances for interactions increase. While you may feel like you need a glass of champagne or something stronger to get through it, don’t drink. That only increases the risk that you’ll say or do something you’ll regret.
- Mentally prepare – It can be tempted to stalk your ex online to know if they will be bringing a new partner or if they have made any big life changes that you will want to know about in advance. Knowing what to expect can be helpful, but being comfortable in where you are in your own life can be even more helpful. Before you face all the ways your coparent’s life has changed, consider all the ways your own life has changed and all the positive things that have happened since your separation.
If your child is graduating from high school, this may mark the end of your child support and custody agreements — or it may not. This is a good time to review those with your attorney and determine what, if anything, is changing now. There may be modifications needed to your original agreements. Graduation day can be a good time to contact a custody modification attorney.
